A Push and A Pull

When I'm around you
It's a gamble.
Each step,
Each move,
Is a risk.
I have to watch what I say, what I do, what I think
Just to make you happy
Just to make you believe everything is alright.
But the facade is beginning to crumble
It's falling apart
At my fingertips
Where I've held it all together for so long.
And the mask is beginning to fade
It's washing away
From my face
Where I've painted it on for years.
So while you push,
I'm pulling.
Soon we're going to drift away.
No one is going to take responsibility for their mistakes
And we're going to forget each other.
Lost in a sea of regret.
I've tried to paddle towards you time and time again
But you're disappearing
Too quick to comprehend
And too slow to notice.
And once we've lost it
It will be gone.
Forever.

Say What?

It's 4:14am on a Saturday in July and I'm awake.
I'm alone.
The house is empty with the exception of my animals.
It's odd.
I haven't been alone for the past 96 hours.
And...well.
I kinda wish he was here beside me.

I feel weird after reading your blog.
I cried while reading your blog.
I know more now.
Like never before.
And while inspiring,
It's depressing.
But I wanted to know.
I needed to know.
Thank you.

Will this be what it's like if he ever leaves me?
Alone?
No sound but the fan spinning and the clacking of my fingers depressing the keys on my laptop.
Sitting here staring at a screen.
Living with what can so easily be taken away.
And that's why I write.

My Love For Movies

In this post I will examine why I like movies so much and in what ways they benefit me.

To begin with, movies are just all around pleasant experiences. When you walk into the movie theater, you are bombarded by a host of sensations that are both enjoyable and soothing. The smelling popcorn while waiting in line to get your ticket and being frozen to death while watching a huge screen with brilliant imagine quality and amazing sound engineering is, for me, a favorite pass-time.

This, however, does not explain why I just love movies in general. I don't have to go to the theater to feel like watching a movie and I don't have to go to the theater to enjoy one. I believe that I watch movies because of the escapism it creates. When I'm watching a movie alone on my computer, I am escaping reality. I am joining the stars in the realm of fantasy that they create so expertly. I am in the movie, with them. I feel with them. I cry with them. I love with them. I can be anybody who I want to be: a bad guy trying to steal the show, a beautiful woman who captures the attention of the attractive protagonist, or a bystander in the background who watches all the action occurring. Movies create the same sensation for me that books do. They create the same alternate life and the same feeling of being someone greater than I already am.

But all this makes one wonder, how can escaping from what is real benefit a person? Why pretend to be somebody else when you could be out there achieving what the guys on the screen achieve? Well, let's put it this way, when I imagine myself as these other people I am more inspired to become like them. All of the qualities that I feel are good and redeeming in the characters I watch become part of me when I finish the movie. I develop a sense of person, a sense of belonging yet individuality, and I know better what I desire in my own life. By becoming a character, I believe in myself more and I feel better about myself. In my mind I go, "Yes! I can so totally do this!!!" rather than, "Oh, I'm not good enough...".

I do not think it is a waste of time to watch movies. I think they help me. They calm me, inspire me, create me. They fill me with pride and optimism when I'm feeling down. They help me relax after school, work, and life. After watching a movie, I feel like I can do anything. I have more stamina, more energy, and more will-power. In general, movies are just plain good for me...like a vitamin.

So that's why I watch and love movies. Thank you for reading. :3