The Second Day

It's time to change things up.
It's a new day.
Today I feel small within this vast world.
Like an ant...so easy to be crushed...vanquished without a second thought.
I pose a question:
What happens to an ant's soul when you squish it?
Or:
Do ants have souls?
I hope I have a soul.
I believe I do...but who can know.
Maybe we are all just machines for our body.
Once the thinking is not needed,
The thinking part is destroyed.
What a sad proposition.
Melancholy is a better word.
Sad isn't deep enough.
To be soulless...
I always think of death a little too deeply.
I scare myself with the inevitable.
It keeps me up at night sometimes.
I cry myself to sleep believing that no one is there.
No one remembers you after so many generations.
Not unless you are someone great, revolutionary.
I fear being forgotten.
I fear being alone when I die.
I need help through that process.
In a movie I saw it said, "Everyone dies alone."
Alone within yourself.
I think I may always be alone within myself.
Only two people have come close to breaching the boundary.
The boundary of callousness I use as protection.
One more than the other.
The first broke me....the second seems to pretend he is not breaking me....hopefully he won't.

Okay.
Enough rambling.
The rest of the life story is soon to follow.
Just...not yet.

Does Anyone Hear Me???

alone