i hate this make it go away

I don't know how to handle this.
I don't know.
I feel so desperate.
For your attention
For only your attention
And I'm a jealous freak
wanting you all to myself
and i hate myself for that
i don't know how to handle this.
these uncontrollable thoughts and feels.
this roller coaster.
i just want it to stop.
please god, make it stop.
because i can't handle this.
i can't.
i feel like there's no one.
but there's people all around.
i feel like i'm lonely.
i am lonely.
so alone.
i hate being alone.
left out
the outsider
why do i get like this?
why do i do this to myself
and why can't i control myself
i hate these uncontrollable thoughts
that push their ugly heads to the surface
and cast shadows of doubt
that make me feel like i'm worthless
that make me feel like shit
everything just go away
because i can't handle it
not now
when?
please let me gain control
i want to own my life again
i want to be me again
i hate this.
i hate hate hate this.
so much
and the tears won't stop
and the pain doesn't quit
and everything so out of my reach
so far away
please
stop
now.